When a couple has mismatched sex, it is assumed that the man is the one who is most eager to take action. So when the opposite situation occurs in your own love life and your sexual desire is higher than your partner’s, you may feel completely disturbed for him too. So what if your libido is higher than his?
But this situation is not uncommon, according to Nagma V. Clark, PhD, a sex therapist. Recent research indicates that women’s sexual desire is equal to that of men, she said. Statistics are hard to come by, but a 2017 study found that while 34% of women reported a lack of interest in sex for at least three months in the past year, 15% of men did as well.
The fact that many women find themselves in this scenario doesn’t make it any easier. Having a higher libido can hurt your relationship, weaken your self-esteem, and frustrate you sexually. If you’re eager to go and your partner is much less, here’s what you need to know.
His low sex drive could be a physical problem.
The first thing many women think is that their partner’s low libido is a reflection of his interest (or lack thereof) in them. But male libido is heavily influenced by physical factors, such as testosterone levels. If he has low testosterone, it is obvious that his libido will also be low. Obese men may be more likely to have a decrease in testosterone, reported a 2014 study.
Many medicines can also curb desire, including antidepressants and medicines that treat high blood pressure.Heart disease, high cholesterol and diabetes can also cause your partner’s sex drive to increase.
Don’t rule out a marriage problem
Resentment, frustration, and anger are not emotions that put someone, male or female, in a sexy mood. Add to that the effects of stress or anxiety in relationships and it makes sense that their passion decreases. If you have an ongoing conflict, they may refuse sex to send a message that they are upset.
Inadequate libido puts your relationship at risk
No matter why your partner’s libido isn’t on par with yours, it’s a serious relationship stressor. Although you may feel rejected and unwanted, your boyfriend or husband may feel guilty. He may become anxious about any kind of physical contact, even a nonsexual hug or hug, fearing that it will lead to pressure to have sex he doesn’t want, she says.
The first step should not be surprising: talk about what’s going on, even if it’s difficult to deal with. It’s important for couples to discuss their differences, find ways to accept them, support each other and even think of creative ways to manage their differences , said Milrad.
These ideas can help bridge the gap
First, unless you’re absolutely sure it’s not a physical problem, encourage him to see his doctor, who can get him tested or just get him to take a drug whose side effect isn’t low libido.
Once you can rule out a physical condition or medication, discuss your relationship and the possibility that something is bothering you. Of course, this is not an easy conversation to have, but it can shed some light on what’s going on. You want to establish ground rules that allow one or the other partner to express their emotions without fear of being blamed or embarrassed.
Let’s say his doctor gives him the green light and he says he’s happy with your relationship. Clark suggests finding ways of intimacy that don’t revolve around sex, or even orgasms. This helps to break the cycle of initiation followed by rejection and ease the anxiety surrounding sexual intimacy, she says. The partner with a lower desire is more likely to want to adopt these behaviors, and the partner with a higher desire begins to feel validated, she adds.
Masturbation is another option. Some people masturbate with their partner present and attentive, but not involved in the sexual act. Have your partner touch you or give you intimate and intimate kisses while masturbating, suggests Michael Reitano, an expert sexologist and physician-in-residence at Roman’s Men’s Health Department.help you with sex toys.
If the problem persists, seek help
Having conversations and taking action is a challenge, as is finding a solution that works for you and your partner. If a couple is unable to solve the problem of sexual urges on their own, I recommend seeking professional help and a trained and experienced sexologist , says Clark.
