MiaBernard

I'm 36 and even though people tend to say I'm in the prime of my years, the truth is I don't always feel that way.. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something. I've lived long enough to know that life is never what you expect, and I've learned to accept it. I wasn't always clear about what I wanted and I often got lost on paths that led me nowhere. I remember when I was 20 and thought that by 30 I would be married, with children, established, happy. Today, in hindsight, this idea seems so alien to my reality that it makes me smile. I have had relationships, some good, some less, and I have learned to love being single, even if sometimes I also feel a little lonely. My work has absorbed me a lot in recent years. I am a graphic designer and my life revolves around projects, deadlines and meetings. I've built a career I'm proud of, but it has also left me little time for myself. Sometimes I wonder if I can ever find a balance between my passions and my personal desires.

A few weeks ago, a friend invited me to dinner at her house. I thought it would be a quiet night, something relaxed, but it turned out to be one of those nights that change you without you knowing it. I met a man there. He wasn't what I would normally call "my type," but there was something about him that made me want to talk more.. Their conversation was intriguing, a perfect balance between seriousness and lightness, between depth and humour. I can't say I believed in love, but something inside me told me I had to listen to myself. And I did. That night we stayed up late to talk. There was no promise, no date in sight, but there was a connection I hadn't known for a long time. I THINK A LOT ABOUT IT. My life has been comfortable in its solitude, but I also realize that I have avoided opening myself to new possibilities. Why am I afraid to try my hand at something that could be wonderful? Age, past experiences, expectations.. all this taught me to protect myself, to be careful. But now, looking to the future, I realize that being careful also means closing myself off to many things. And maybe someone. Today I found myself walking around the city, aimlessly, but with a smile. I'm ready to give myself a chance. I don't know what my life will look like in the years to come, or whether the decisions I make today will lead me to a better or worse place. But I know I don't want to live with the feeling of giving up because of fear or insecurity anymore. Life has no guarantees, but maybe that's the secret. I can't keep waiting for the "right moment", because that moment never comes if you don't dare to create it. And today, for the first time in a long time, I feel ready to see what lies ahead.

I always thought at 36, everything would be clear. Life, work, my relationships.. Everything would fall into place like a perfectly assembled puzzle. But reality is not so simple. At this age I learned that there is no straight path or easy answers. I've had my ups and downs, my loves, my disappointments. And even though people often see me as a mature and confident woman, the truth is that I always find myself struggling with my own fears and desires.. Today, as I prepare for an important meeting at work, something tells me that there is something else. Something in me that has long remained silent. I often think that routine has consumed me, that I forgot what it means to feel alive. I'm not just talking about the adrenaline of work or the excitement of an intense conversation. I’m talking about something deeper, something that has to do with desire, with that spark that makes you feel invincible, that reminds you what it means to live the present without fear.. A few days ago I met someone. He was at a party I attended, something random, I didn't even expect it. He wasn't the kind of man you'd think there could be anything wrong with. But when he looked at me, I felt an immediate connection, a kind of electricity that went through my body. Something in his gaze disarmed me, and for a second I felt like I had waited for this moment, even though I didn't know what was waiting for me.. His name is Lucas.. He's 40, but it's not just his age that attracts me. That's how he is, this quiet confidence he exudes effortlessly. When we talked, I felt like I could be myself, which I sometimes don't easily do. At work, in relationships, even with my friends, I am always one step ahead, I am always the one who has to keep everything under control. But with him.. It was different.. It was as if, for the first time in a long time, I could stop being that woman who always knows what to do and surrender to the unknown.

What started as an informal conversation turned into something more intense. The small gestures, the complicit smiles, the looks that said more than words could express. At the end of the night, we were both in the same corner, away from the hustle and bustle of the party, talking quietly. — Would you like to go to a quieter place? - he asked me, his voice serious and confident, making a wave of heat in my neck. I didn't have a clear answer in my head, I just felt like that was what I wanted. Sometimes life offers you those moments that you just have to live, without thinking too much about it. So without thinking too much, I accepted. We went to his apartment. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the chemistry between us, but when we entered her space, everything changed. The place was dark, only lit by the dim street light that filtered through the window. There was no rush, no expectation, just the feeling of being completely present for each other. He invited me to sit on the couch and, in doing so, he stood in front of me, looking at me with that look that seemed to read me. And then, without saying a word, he approached. His touch was gentle but determined. We didn't need to talk; the desire we shared was already enough. The electricity between us grew with every kiss, every caress. and I.. I just stopped fighting what I felt. What I had been suppressed for so long, what I had kept inside, came out uncontrollably. I could finally let go. With him, I didn't feel the need to be the controlled woman, the one who's always afraid of getting lost. 'Cause with him I felt free to be who I really am. When we finally fell into silence, with my breathing difficult and my heart beating, I realized that I had not only experienced a physical connection, but something much deeper.. I had rediscovered a part of me that was asleep. That part that is not afraid to explore, that is not afraid to desire and be desired. That night everything changed for me. I didn't know if it was just a lapsus or if there was really something more between us. But for the first time in years, I realized I didn't need to understand everything. I didn't have to plan for the future, I didn't have to live according to others' expectations. I just had to live the present moment, enjoy what the present offered me.