Sometimes our problem is not caring what other people think. It’s important to care about what other people think in certain areas of our lives. We want people to think we’re attractive, talented and trust worthy. So here are 3 powerful methods for not caring what other people think.
Everybody cares about their reputation. There’s nothing wrong with that. A good reputation can open doors. A good reputation can keep you out of trouble. On top of that, everyone cares what their friends and family think of them. These things aren’t going to change any time soon. In general, we want people to assume we’re good, law-abiding citizens.
Our real problem is worrying about what people think who don’t care about us. We want to stop worrying about the approval of strangers. We’re not at our best when we only do things for approval. It’s fine when we do it for the people we care about. It’s a problem when we do it for people we’ll never see again.
But first, let me clarify something that confuses a lot of people. Not caring what other people think is not the same as apathy.
NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK VS. APATHY
The goal isn’t to stop caring what other people think because you’ve accepted that you’re a loser. The goal is to be so busy crushing life that you don’t have time to worry about the opinions of random people.
After all, many homeless people and drug addicts have given up caring what other people think of them. It’s lazy and weak to lower your standard of living so you don’t have to work hard for it.
You have less to worry about, but you also get less respect. When you go this route, you won’t have to worry about what others think of you because no one will think of you at all.
That’s not how we want to do it. The goal is to have a free spirit and a good life. We want the best of both worlds.
We want the burden of performance without the burden of approval. And of course, we want a great reputation without thinking about how to have a great reputation.
This article describes 3 simple steps you can take to help you worry less, but do more.
COMMIT TO YOUR OWN VALUES
The world tries to make you think and act a certain way. To protect yourself from peer pressure, you need your own values, morals and goals. It’s hard to care what other people think if you don’t live by their value system.
Many people are against religion, but religion is powerful because it does it so well. Religion gives people a set of values and expectations. What’s more, religion unites everyone through shared rituals. These rituals reinforce the values, morals and ethics of religion.
I’m not advocating either for or against religion. I’m just pointing out the power you have when you live for a set of values. It’s the power you give when you care about the opinions of strangers.
People who practice religion only care about the approval of other people in religion. Not only do they not care what other people think, they think other values are wrong! They live by their own rules.
When you live by your own rules, you don’t care what other people think unless they also live by those rules. Living this way eliminates the desire for approval and improves your life.
That said, creating your own rules and values isn’t the hard part. It’s easy to pick the best elements from a system or group of people to emulate. Any person, event or lifestyle you draw inspiration from has the power to make you a better person.
The challenge is to stick to these values in the face of society’s herd mentality and groupthink.
As you make your own rules, be sure to find others who share similar values. This will be your tribe. They don’t have to agree with you on every detail, but your tribe will share the same overriding goal.
It’s an incredible irony: finding kindred spirits eases the transition to individuality.
FOCUS ON THE PROCESS
The result is never guaranteed, but the process is yours. The result you’ve worked so hard for can be taken away from you in any number of ways. You can work hard and get robbed, fall in love and get cheated, or do without any recognition. When you do things for the result, you’re worrying about something beyond your control.
It’s in the name. The result, as in outside of you. People’s approval is outside you, but the process of working on yourself is internal. Focusing on correct execution and discipline requires attention and dedication. These are the elements of the process. By focusing on the process, it’s hard to worry about what others will think of the result.
The process is safe from the opinions of others. It’s the private place to make mistakes, grow and take care of the only thing that matters: what you can control. Yes, other people can criticize what you do, but not what you think and your goals. You focus on the process. The process is your own style of learning, developing and exploring.
Another way of looking at the idea of “focusing on the process” is to do only what’s important to you. When you focus only on the things that matter to you, you naturally focus on the process anyway. That’s because you’re more concerned with improving yourself than getting attention.
You don’t do things just to get approval. You do them because they mean something to you. They bring you closer to what you want out of life; not what others or society say you should want out of life.
It’s the natural extension of commitment to your own rules and values.
ALWAYS ADD VALUE
Whenever people say they don’t care what other people think, someone always brings up “reputation maintenance”. They argue that you should care what certain people think, because those people are important.
You should care what certain people think. For example, you should worry about being in good standing with your close friends and family. If you’re not independent, you should worry about what your boss thinks of you. If that’s the case, think about what your customers and clients think. That’s where it ends. You shouldn’t spend too much energy maintaining here. Especially if they don’t share the same values.
That said, you should have values that make you someone people are proud to know. They don’t have to agree with your point of view on everything, but they do have to respect you. Respect is the natural result of being a valuable person.
When you’re always adding value, you won’t need to think much about what others think; family or otherwise. Consider this: what if you develop a code of values that makes you destructive and selfish? It would harm you and your family.
To prevent this from happening, always focus on adding value. When you strive to add value, you’re contributing something meaningful. The feeling you get from it will outweigh any desire for external approval.
If you act from your core values, focus on the process of creating value. You will always improve a situation.
A SUMMARY OF 3 WAYS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK
- Commit to your own values
- Focus on the process
- Always add value
If you follow these steps, you’ll free yourself from the slavery of approval-seeking.
It won’t be because you arrogantly believe you’re better than everyone else.
It won’t be because you’re blind to your worst and most destructive qualities.
And it won’t be because you’ve settled into a life of mediocrity and conformity,
On the contrary, you won’t care because you’re too busy improving yourself and your environment.
