It may not be for everyone, but it’s totally doable. The blessed open marriage… You’ve probably heard of it. But like flying cars, sub-two hour marathons and unicorns, open weddings don’t really exist, do they?
Is it really possible to find a happy couple together while maintaining a healthy sex life outside one’s own bed?
Turns out you can. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that today’s couples are opening up their bedrooms to other sexual partners and finding their relationships stronger for it. So we’ve enlisted the help of several relationship experts to establish a truly successful open relationship – or open marriage. And for more ways to make sure your marriage is strong, here are 5 ways to know if it’s the right person.
1 – Make sure both really want an open marriage
For an open marriage or relationship to succeed, it’s absolutely essential that both main partners accept it 100%. Often, one partner may want it much more than the other, increasing the risk of future conflict and resentment.
2 – Prioritize communication
Clear, direct and frequent communication will make or break an open relationship. Communication topics change a lot depending on the open phase you’re in. In general, she advises you to be clear about how open you want your relationship to be,what the structure will look like and how much you want to know about your spouse’s other partners. It’s also a good idea to set up regular “check-ins” to talk about your love affairs and make sure you’re both feeling good. And speaking of communication, here are the sexiest things you can say to a woman on a first date.
3 – Do your research on open marriages
If you’re wondering, you’ll want to do some research. Just as you do a ton of research before choosing which car, camera or computer to buy, it’s best not to participate in an open marriage or open relationship without knowing what you’re getting into. Talk to other people who have done it and read up a bit on the subject.
4 – Set the ground rules for your open marriage
It’s all about boundaries. Negotiating and discussing them is really the key before opening your marriage. Throughout these conversations, you can identify landmines, sensitivities and areas that need extra support. While you can’t assuage every worry, fear or uncertainty, you can offer strategies to help your partner feel heard, supported and empowered throughout the opening process.
5 – Make sure you’re really comfortable with an open marriage
Often, a partner will want to have an open relationship so they can have relationships with other people, but won’t be prepared when their partner starts to form relationships with others. So it’s best to think carefully about how you feel about your partner having romantic relationships with others before rushing into it. It’s a double standard that can cause a lot of jealousy and can eventually end a marriage.
6 – Talk about how you feel about marriage in general
If you’re already married, it’s likely that the concept of marriage is gaining in value (thankfully!), But many people have differing ideas about what marriage is “supposed” to be. You need to examine both partners’ assumptions about what marriage defines in your minds. Understanding what each spouse wants from marriage and having a clear idea of each other’s point of view makes the process of creating an open marriage, understanding why it happens and maintaining it much easier.
7 – Never make an open marriage part of an ultimatum
One way to make sure your open marriage doesn’t work out? Do the alternative divorce. It’s not right for you to say, “If we want to stay together, you have to give me some sexual freedom”. Don’t do that.
8 – Discuss safety issues beforehand
Better safe than sorry, right? STD protection, where each partner plans to meet new partners, and other safety issues need to be discussed and agreed beforehand. While it may not be the most fun thing to talk about, it’s important to make sure that each partner handles their non-primary relationships in a way that doesn’t put either party at risk.
9 – Prepare for the unexpected
Just because you expect your open marriage to be a certain way doesn’t mean it will be – for better or for worse. Be open to the fact that things are different in reality from what they are in theory. Sometimes that means you were afraid something would happen and now that you’re in the thick of it, it’s not such a big deal. Sometimes it’s the other way around. You can have problems you never anticipated. This is one of those times when you’re going to have to go with the flow. Also, check out these 11 secrets to a harder erection.
10 – Consult a therapist before starting your open marriage
Although not necessary, it can ease the transition from closed to open. Seeing a therapist can facilitate the creation of a solid set of rules and boundaries, the free expression of their concerns and the understanding of potential conflicts that may arise. A therapist can also gently invite a couple to ask themselves if both parties are really on board. This is essential to the success of the open marriage.
11 – Develop a strategy to counter the bumps in the road
Another useful tip for a successful open marriage. It involves discussing the protocol to follow if a boundary is crossed by one or both of the primary partners. For example, you may have set the rule that you don’t want to meet your spouse’s other partners. But that you can meet them by chance. What should you do? It can be beneficial to discuss this in advance. This way, both partners can be proactive and be prepared to deal with potential crossings.
12 -Networking with other open couples
Having friends in the same boat can make all the difference. Join online forums or find people to meet. Get to know these people. They’re good social support. And you can learn a lot from watching other people tackle similar problems.
13 – Make your check-ins fun
If you look forward to having “points” with your spouse, they’ll be easier to manage. And much more likely to happen, too. Check-ins don’t have to be catastrophic. Many couples have had success by linking it to something they enjoy: treating the relationship to dinner or drinks, or combined with a visit to the zoo or on a nature walk. Something that’s a treat for you. That way, you’ll be happy to have these conversations instead of dreading them.
14 – Don’t sweep negative emotions under the carpet
It may seem preferable to keep any bad impressions you have about the opening. But they could potentially snowball and cause major problems. Communicate about feelings related to jealousy, abandonment or envy. Talk about what works and what doesn’t and why. Be prepared to see the pros and cons of being open. After all, no situation is perfect. But seeing and discussing both the pros and cons of your relationship will strengthen your bond with your partner.
15 – Decide if and when you’re going to get married
Not all open marriages or relationships stay open forever. The possibility of this should be thoroughly discussed during the establishment of rules and boundaries, before the marriage is opened. That way, if one of you wants to close the open marriage, you already have a plan in place for how to do it.
