{"id":13287,"date":"2023-12-29T15:54:58","date_gmt":"2023-12-29T15:54:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/?p=13287"},"modified":"2023-12-29T15:54:58","modified_gmt":"2023-12-29T15:54:58","slug":"les-cinq-secrets-des-couples-sexuellement-matures","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/en\/sex-en\/les-cinq-secrets-des-couples-sexuellement-matures\/","title":{"rendered":"The five secrets of sexually mature couples…"},"content":{"rendered":"

What is<\/em>sexual maturity in a relationship? Does it happen after you\u2019ve been together for a long time, or only if you\u2019ve had countless lovers and many sexual experiences? It\u2019s not that simple, says sex therapist and counselor Julia Cole. So here are the five secrets of sexually mature couples\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"julia-cole-therapeute-sexuelle-sexe-40-et_plus-conseils-mature-senior\"<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Sexually mature couples have come to accept who they really are and have created a sex life of their own: it\u2019s not the one they think they should have.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Julia describes below the five key elements that define the relationship of a sexually mature couple. Are you one of them?<\/p>\n

1 \u2013 They embrace variety<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This can mean seizing the unexpected moment to have quick sex. Taking the time and trouble to plan a sexy night out; dressing up and acting out\/fulfilling fantasies; or making love in the car like you did when you were teenagers (fond memories) \u2013 anything that gets you out of your usual love life. Sexually mature couples don\u2019t wait for sex to \u00ab\u00a0happen\u00a0\u00bb, they make an effort to adapt it to their lives<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

\"couple-sexuellement-mature-sexe-40-et-plus\"<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0It\u2019s important to try different things to keep your sex life from becoming boring, but there\u2019s another important reason,\u00a0\u00bb explains Julia Cole. \u00ab\u00a0Learning to adapt sexually<\/strong> is essential in a mature relationship, because it prepares you for change.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0If you have a baby, for example, or if one of you gets sick, you\u2019ll have to figure out how to have a sex life around that. So many couples sexually do the same thing over and over again, and then they fade away when things change and they don\u2019t know how to catch up with their sex life.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

2 \u2013 Do both partners take the initiative?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Not only is this an important element of the sexual variety mentioned above, it\u2019s essential if you want to avoid those power plays that dominate more immature relationships.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0If one partner always starts sex, always makes the first move, then it becomes a game of power and control. One partner always asks and the other can always say \u2018no\u2019,\u00a0\u00bb says Julia. \u00ab\u00a0Soon, you enter a situation where sex is used as a punishment \u2013 by refusing it \u2013 or as a reward \u2013 by giving it.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Sexually mature couples who feel able to ask for or refuse sex<\/strong> on equal terms are also able to avoid feeling hurt by having a refusal: \u00ab\u00a0They recognize that it\u2019s the \u2018law\u2019 that\u2019s being refused, not them personally, so it\u2019s not such a big deal,\u00a0\u00bb Julia explains.<\/p>\n

3 \u2013 They like the \u00ab\u00a0total gift<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Total giving means being able to indulge in the experience of having sex. How many times has your mind wandered to mundane things like having tea while you\u2019re having sex? Maybe you can never relax enough to have an orgasm, or you want to ask your partner to do something special, but you never do.<\/p>\n

\"couple-sexuellement-mature-sexe-40-et-plus-2\"<\/p>\n

Feeling safe within your sexual relationship comes from accepting each other<\/strong>, exactly as you are. \u00ab\u00a0Some people hold back elements of themselves in their sexual relationships and have to ask themselves why,\u00a0\u00bb Julia explains. Are they worried that the relationship isn\u2019t safe? Are they afraid of getting pregnant or of a particular problem? These concerns need to be identified and addressed with your partner before you can enjoy total giving, without it being emotional or sexual dependence<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

4 \u2013 They consider their partner\u2019s pleasure<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You can officially consider yourself sexually mature if you can truly say you put as much effort into your partner\u2019s sexual pleasure as your own. \u00ab\u00a0Focusing entirely on your own needs and treating your partner as an afterthought is one of the most obvious signs of sexual immaturity,\u00a0\u00bb says Julia.<\/p>\n

To become sexually mature, you need to understand who you are in the context of the relationship and get to know your partner outside of sex<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. That\u2019s why you\u2019re unlikely to have good sex with someone you only met last night.<\/p>\n

Since this kind of deep connection with a partner can\u2019t happen instantly, it may take weeks or even months before you can put as much effort into pleasing your partner as you do yourself.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0This also explains why you can have a sexually mature relationship even if you\u2019ve only ever had one love interest,\u00a0\u00bb Julia adds.<\/p>\n

5 \u2013 They leave shame behind<\/strong><\/h2>\n

By accepting to say who you are, you remove one of the main obstacles to good sex. For many women, embarrassment about their bodies can be the main obstacle holding them back from pleasure. Sometimes a major life change, such as having a baby, can make a woman more comfortable with her body; for others, having a supportive partner, or simply getting older and accepting how you look, can make all the difference to letting go during sex.<\/p>\n

\"couple-sexuellement-mature-sexe-40-et-plus-3\"<\/p>\n

Sometimes, feelings of sexual insecurity can stem from our fears of not doing it as well or as often as others.<\/p>\n

Julia advises, \u00ab\u00a0Tell yourself: I\u2019m not going to worry about what I\u2019ve been told or heard about what makes good or bad sex<\/span><\/strong><\/a>.\u00a0\u00bb. Remember that, while it\u2019s interesting to experiment, you also have the right to refuse anything you don\u2019t like, whether or not you\u2019re told that \u00ab\u00a0everyone else is doing it\u00a0\u00bb.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What issexual maturity in a relationship? Does it happen after you\u2019ve been together for a long time, or only if you\u2019ve had countless lovers and many sex…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":13289,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"Secrets to Sexual Maturity in Couples: Are You One?","_seopress_titles_desc":"Explore the secrets to sexual maturity with insights from sex therapist Julia Cole. Discover how mature couples enhance their intimacy.","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[605],"tags":[20242,22037,5930,26715,26718,1896,25414,23293,21590,9301,9721,26721,22680],"class_list":{"0":"post-13287","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-sex-en","8":"tag-40-et-plus-fr","9":"tag-confiance","10":"tag-conseils","11":"tag-experience-2","12":"tag-julia-cole","13":"tag-mature","14":"tag-maturite","15":"tag-psychologie","16":"tag-senior-2","17":"tag-sexe","18":"tag-sexualite","19":"tag-sexuelle","20":"tag-therapie"},"lang":"en","translations":{"en":13287,"fr":4626,"es":13293,"it":13299,"nl":13306,"pt":13312,"de":13318},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/affection-close-up-couple-792777-scaled.jpg","pll_sync_post":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13287","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13287"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13287\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13292,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13287\/revisions\/13292"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13289"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xlovecam.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}