Many people are fascinated by trans women. Unfortunately, this is accompanied by misunderstandings. The subject becomes particularly delicate in the intimate sphere. Their sexuality is very often seen through the prism of fantasy. These are simplistic and reductive clichés. And this has serious consequences, including the dehumanization of trans women and the difficulty of maintaining their love relationships. In this article, we take a look at these misconceptions. To do this, we’ll look at five major misconceptions.
A trans woman is “finished” only after surgery
This statement is completely inaccurate. Knowing that someone has undergone surgery is not a sine qua non for recognizing them as a trans woman. Gender identity is the major reference point. In other words, you don’t need to rely on physical attributes to deduce who is or isn’t a woman. It doesn’t depend on gender affirmation surgery (GAS). A person who claims to be a trans woman is a woman, period.
Gender identity is first and foremost an inner conviction. As for gender dysphoria, it’s a constant discomfort linked to body mismatch. It’s not the identity itself.
There are a variety of trajectories. Many trans women, for example, choose not to undergo GCA. There are many reasons for this. They may be personal, medical or financial. That said, this choice, which concerns their bodies alone, is legitimate. It should not be called into question, as it in no way affects their feminine identity.
The fantasy of “secrecy” is devastatingly toxic. It creates social pressure, and this pressure makes women feel “incomplete”. It can even lead them to “hide”. This judgment is very close to transphobia. It defines an arbitrary standard of what a woman’s body should be.
Trans women are only attractive to heterosexual men who are “experimenting”.
This is a grotesque distortion of reality. Trans women can be of any possible sexual orientation. In other words, they can be attracted to men just as much as they can love women. They may also have a preference for non-binary people. They could also be pansexual or bisexual. Their desires are not determined by their gender identity.
We also need to understand the full scope of internalized transphobia. Many people avoid relationships with trans women because they fear social judgment. They experience external stigmatization. This may concern gay men or lesbian women. However, the attraction is there, but it is systematically overcome by the fear of social judgment.
That’s why partners are as diverse as the trans women themselves. They generally have fulfilling sexual and/or love lives. We can thus deduce that love relationships are not simply about “trans status”. It’s about love, respect and compatibility. It’s never just a question of “experimentation”.
Trans women’s sexuality is always genital-centric
This is an abusive and false focus. It denies the whole body as an erogenous zone. In fact, pleasure is not limited to the genitals. Breasts, skin, mouth – everything is a source of pleasure. And this pleasure is not “finished” or incomplete without the AGC.
More concretely, hormones play a far-reaching role. Hormone replacement therapy brings changes to the body. It affects the skin and libido. It transforms tissues and erogenous zones. The body is constantly evolving. Pleasure is constantly reshaped. Sensitivity is intensified most of the time.
It’s also important to note that the exploration of BDSM and fetishes, which is a universal individual process, cannot be considered a norm specific to trans women.
Trans women are all born dominatrixes or performers.
This stereotype stems from media hypersexualization. It is often seen in pornography. Trans women are reduced to specific fantasies. This myth denies them any individuality.
And yet, the theme of desire and intimacy is an intimate one. As with all women, a trans woman’s sexual preferences and habits vary. Some choose a passive role, while others like to be active. Some are above all looking for gentle intimacy. So performance is not a necessity.
The myth that trans women are all born dominators or performers just serves to exert a kind of pressure and objectification. It subtly forces sexual performance. So we no longer see them as people, but as bodies whose purpose is to satisfy a fetish.
Relationships with trans women are bound to be complicated or temporary
This is a myth that persists despite the passing years. What’s important to note, however, is that the reality of love and that of a couple are distinct. Clearly, trans women have the capacity to be in stable love relationships. Most of the complication comes from social stigmatization. It never comes from the relationship itself.
In conclusion, we set out to deconstruct five preconceived ideas. Surgery is not an imperative; sexuality is not supposed to be limited. Pleasure isn’t just about genitalia. Not all trans women are dominatrixes. And their relationships are by no means doomed to be complicated. Our final message is therefore a plea for a simpler approach to sexuality. It must be based on the individual. It must absolutely take into account consent and communication. Trans women’s sexuality must be a question of humanity and desire. If this wasn’t the case before, then we invite you to change your perspective. You need to focus on the whole person. Don’t reduce trans women to fantasies!
