Interactions in the world of dating and flirting are marked by mutual respect and benevolence. However, when it comes to flirting with a trans person, a more nurturing and empathetic approach is called for. Our society is constantly evolving, and it’s important to understand the issues surrounding gender identity in order to avoid awkwardness. It’s worth pointing out, however, that flirting with a trans person isn’t all that different from other interactions. It just requires rather careful attention to the words chosen to avoid “screwing up”. The rest of this article highlights a few tips to help you start conversations and flirt respectfully with a trans person.
Understanding gender identity
Gender identity is an inner feeling that every human possesses about being a man, a woman, or neither. Gone are the days when social norms advocated two notions of gender, namely male and female. Today, many people express their gender in much more diverse ways, some of which are difficult for some to understand. Trans people, for example, are those whose gender identity is not the same as the sex they were assigned at birth. In other words, people who are not part of the binary gender (male/female) are identified as transgender.
In today’s society, where discussions of gender identity are becoming increasingly important, it’s also important to recognize a trans person’s pronouns (iel) to foster an inclusive environment and avoid damaging the mental health of the person you’re talking to.
Image by Carola68 Die Welt ist bunt…… from Pixabay
Engaging in respectful conversations
To flirt with a trans person, you first need to have respect for them. If you don’t dare to do or say something to your parents, you shouldn’t do or say it to a trans person either. Discussions here should be respectful and kind. That’s why it’s a good idea to start your discussions with natural topics, just as you would with anyone else. For example, you can talk about common interests, hobbies and events you’ve both attended. These topics can break down barriers to an open, pressure-free discussion.
However, you need to avoid some of the common mistakes trans people make when a stranger wants to flirt. Take questions like “Have you had surgery?” or “How long have you been transitioning?”. These questions can be perceived as inappropriate or awkward. Because these subjects are considered private and proscribed in your first conversations, especially if you want to establish a good relationship.
Creating an atmosphere of trust
To flirt with a trans person, you need to create an atmosphere of trust, since authenticity and support are important in this context. Show that you’re sincere about the trans person as an individual. Also, avoid focusing solely on their gender identity. To this end, engage in conversations about her passions and projects. This way, you can show that you see her as a complete being beyond the “trans” label. To flirt properly, also make sure the mood is relaxed. This will help the person you’re flirting with feel at ease. Also, be attentive to this person’s needs and concerns. Don’t force the conversation onto intimate or personal subjects if she doesn’t feel ready to talk about them.
Avoid making gender identity a central topic
To start conversations and flirt pleasantly with a transgender person, there’s one central topic to avoid: gender identity. First of all, you should avoid judging his or her looks. In fact, it would be awkward to give your opinion on the appearance of the person you’re talking to. Also, avoid linking or identifying his or her image with a gender. Asking a trans person questions about their genitalia outside a medical context is sexual in nature and immediately offensive. Such questions can end the conversation.
Also, avoid asking questions about medical follow-up. In fact, medical information is private and confidential. A person’s medical history does not constitute “proof” of transidentity.
Learning from mistakes
In any interaction, it’s possible to make mistakes, particularly when it comes to gender or pronouns, especially when flirting with a trans person. If this happens, the first thing to do is remain calm and don’t embarrass yourself excessively. Simply acknowledge your mistake, apologize sincerely and immediately use the correct pronoun. For example, if you get the pronoun wrong, you can say: “I’m sorry, I meant…”, then continue the conversation without insisting. It’s important to show that you’re willing to learn and adapt. In short, a simple, respectful apology will show not only that you’re paying attention, but also that you’re open to improvement.
Image by Carola68 Die Welt ist bunt…… from Pixabay
Paying attention to a person’s limits and signals
When it comes to flirting, you need to be attentive to the boundaries and body signals the person in front of you might be sending. Consent is a fundamental basis of any interaction! And that includes knowing when to slow down or stop if the person is showing signs of discomfort. Learning to read body signals, such as body language or facial expressions, will help you understand whether or not you’re on the right track.
Also, respecting each other’s limits creates a climate of trust and helps lay the foundations for a healthy, respectful relationship. Ignoring these signals or pushing them too far could, on the other hand, not only spoil the interaction, but compromise any future relationship. So always listen and be open to each other’s reactions. That way, you’ll be able to create a good dynamic during the flirtation.
Finally, remember that flirting with a trans person is all about respect and sensitivity to the other person’s needs. You need to be able to listen without judging, andavoid clichés. This will enable you to engage in sincere conversations in a supportive environment. What’s more, flirting is more than just a game of seduction. So it’s important to understand the diversity of the person you’re flirting with. By putting the above tips into practice, you can improve the quality of your exchanges and solidify your bond with your trans partner. And don’t forget that the key to successful flirting is authenticity and open-mindedness.
