Libido isn’t turned on and off like a switch; it’s more like a cursor that’s guided by a whole host of emotions and conditions. What’s more, breakdowns can occur from time to time, and when they persist, they can be a source of deep concern. What you need to know is that some of these are temporary and others reveal a real intimate problem. Being able to distinguish between them will enable you to find solutions as quickly as possible.
We’ll show you how to tell the difference between a low libido and a deeper intimate problem. Our tips and tricks, based on professional advice, will also help you find solutions.
How can you tell the difference between a simple lack of libido and a real intimate problem?
Slumps are common in 5 out of 10 people, and are linked to a number of external and internal factors. These can include lack of sleep, stress, a new job, discomfort, a lack of chemistry, parenthood and so on.
The slump is a one-off event, lasting on average a few weeks and manifesting itself through these symptoms:
- Physical fatigue: you want each other, but your bodies are just crying out for sleep.
- Irritability: one or both of you is on edge, short-circuiting any desire to get closer.
- Head elsewhere: your mental load is saturated.
On the other hand, it should be pointed out that, in this type of case, there’s no total absence of desire. Desire is always present in your mind, manifesting itself in fantasies, auto-eroticism and so on. This is a valuable indicator that your libido is not in total decline.
Intimate disorder
An intimate disorder occurs when there’s no obvious cause, either external or internal, for your low libido. There’s also the 6-month rule. In fact, according to sexologists, if your libido remains at half-mast for 6 consecutive months or more, this represents a problem for which you need to seek help.
Here are the main symptoms that should alert you:
- Active avoidance: you systematically avoid kissing or cuddling, sometimes for fear that it will lead to sexual expectation.
- Disappearance of sexual thoughts: sex becomes a non-existent, even unpleasant subject for the couple.
- Physical pain: dyspareunia (pain during intercourse) is one of the main causes, creating apprehension in the victim partner and ultimately extinguishing sexual desire.
- Emotional distress: this is more the result of a drop in libido, causing sadness, guilt or permanent tension with your partner.
Our practical advice to help you get back on track
Most people think that sexual desire should be spontaneous, but it’s not! It’s more of a reactive thing, occurring in most cases after a close encounter or physical proximity. So, the first little tip for getting sexual desire going in you or your partner is not to wait until you’re hungry to start eating.
Try to create moments of physical closeness to see if the desire slowly awakens. This could involve relaxing or erotic massages, long embraces or affectionate cuddles with no expectation of penetration (consider putting on perfume beforehand to avoid creating the opposite effect).
Analyze your mental load
The brain is the most powerful sexual organ, as you’ve probably heard somewhere. So, if your brain is busy dealing with e-mails, shopping lists or organizing household chores, it will naturally have no room for eroticism.
If you find yourself in this situation, delegating tasks or simplifying them will be to your advantage. Whatever anyone says, desire needs emptiness and mental space to be born, grow and flourish. For example, a simple lie-in or an evening without screens will work more miracles than a box of ginger or so-called potent aphrodisiacs.
The sensate focus method
This fairly common therapeutic approach has proved its worth more than once. It involves reconnecting with sensations, while totally forgetting about sexual performance. Because, let’s face it, performance pressure is the number 1 libido killer!
In practical terms, you can choose to spend 20 minutes touching each other just for the pleasure of skin sensations. Bear in mind that you don’t have to end with penetrative sex, and you certainly don’t have to touch each other’s genitals.
The aim is to free yourself entirely from the stress of the result and enjoy the sensations of the present moment.
Improve your diet and sleep every day
After the brain, biology plays an important role in libido. If your body is short of fuel, it cuts off non-vital functions to lighten its load. Reproduction is one of them! That’s why we recommend getting enough sleep and eating healthier. According to science, quality sleep and a diet rich in healthy fats (omega-3) and zinc support hormone production (testosterone, estrogen).
When should you be concerned?
As mentioned above, when lack of desire persists and becomes a source of personal suffering or major conflict in the couple, there’s a major problem to be solved. In such cases, you need to consult a specialist, who could be a sexologist, a gynecologist, etc.
There are practical cases that require a call for help, at the risk of seeing the situation deteriorate:
- A sudden drop in libido following an event (childbirth, bereavement, new treatment).
- A lack of desire resulting from a possible fear of pain (vaginal dryness, discomfort).
- Medication (antidepressants, contraceptive pills) that literally drowns out your libido. In such cases, a small dosage adjustment with your doctor can change everything.
It’s also worth noting that testosterone plays a key role in desire, in both men and women. A low level of testosterone could well be the cause of a low libido. So a blood test can sometimes be useful in revealing deficiencies and finding quick solutions.
Organic tips to boost your libido
If your low libido is the result of fatigue, a few natural foods can help you get back on track. For example, there are some delicious homemade fruit smoothies you can try.
Strawberry, banana and plant milk smoothie
For this invigorating smoothie, you’ll need:
- A handful of strawberries;
- Half a banana;
- A teaspoon of honey;
- A teaspoon of chopped fresh ginger;
- A glass of plant milk (almond or coconut).
Simply blend your ingredients together and consume the drink 30 minutes or 1 hour before intercourse.
This isn’t a miracle recipe: strawberries are simply rich in vitamin C and bananas boost dopamine. These are two effective foods for boosting the body and hormones. As for honey and ginger, they are reputed to stimulate blood circulation and boost energy and sexual tone.
Avocado and cocoa powder smoothie
For this drink, you’ll need:
- 1 tablespoon unsweetened raw cocoa ;
- Half an avocado ;
- A date or 1 spoonful of honey;
- 1 glass almond milk;
- A pinch of cinnamon.
After blending all the ingredients together, you can add the honey and drink an hour before your sexual encounter.
Cocoa is renowned for releasing endorphins, or love hormones. As for avocado, it’s rich in good fats, making it the ideal food for a long-lasting libido.
After all, libido fluctuates naturally. Recognizing the signs of a simple lapse allows you to react with simple adjustments. If the lack of desire persists or becomes a source of distress, it’s essential to consult a professional for appropriate, caring care.
