“Read unconvincingly for about 45 seconds, then demand praise … Super lame.” You can do better with oral sex…
If you love licking your partner, you’re in luck – and more importantly, so is she – because lack of enthusiasm for cunnilingus is the main obstacle to overcome if you want to exercise it convincingly and satisfyingly. And we should all want to be good at it, because, if done right, it’s more likely to end in a toe-curling orgasm than vaginal intercourse. According to a meta-study, only 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse. That’s why oral sex is so important…
The fact is, many women complain that linguists make a lot of common mistakes. We know because we asked them and compiled some of their most common responses below. So read on to make sure you’re not a neophyte in the fine art of pleasing her in the most intimate way possible. Improve your oral sex!
1. Assume that all women like the same things.
“One time a guy attacked me and started saying, ‘My ex told me I had the best tongue…’. “- A, Vancouver, BC.
You’ve had a past lover who praised your passion for her. Your ability to make her feel good has made you feel good, and that’s great. But that doesn’t change the fact that every new partner comes complete with their own set of likes and dislikes. So, thinking back to glowing reviews is manna for your ego, telling your partner isn’t in your best interests. Instead, absorb her verbal and non-verbal signals like a sponge. While it’s advantageous to have a cache of proven techniques, the only way to get her where she wants to go is to adapt yourself to what works for her.
2. Think of cunnilingus as foreplay.
“Lap half-heartedly for about 45 seconds, then demanding praise… super lame.” – J, Brooklyn, NY.
Dr. Ian Kerner , author of Elle vient avant: The thinking man’s guide to pleasing a woman, encourages you to think of cunnilingus not as foreplay, but as coreplay, the centerpiece of a complete act that culminates in her orgasm. “Many men approach cunnilingus as an optional appetizer,” he says. What a mistake to neglect oral sex. “However, this approach doesn’t give a woman the time she needs to be aroused and ready for direct clitoral contact, any more than a few licks here and there provide the persistent, constant clitoral stimulation that intensifies arousal.”
3. Being lackadaisical.
“We know when a man is faking it. If you hate licking on a girl, just say so. We can’t guarantee it won’t be a love-killer (because, ‘let’s go now’) but nothing’s worse than a guy who gives you a quick lick with a facial expression akin to a kid who hates broccoli and then runs away thinking he’s done his guy duty. Uh, no, man. We can read the time. “- E, Seattle, WA.
Pamela Madsen, sex educator and author, explains that many women feel shame in front of their vulvas and worry about how they look and smell. “The best orgasms happen when women know their partner loves their pussy,” she explains, adding that partners would do well to verbalize their arousal and excitement when approaching a woman’s vulva. It’s a sentiment echoed by Dr. Kerner. “Cunnilingus is an extremely vulnerable act and many women feel a lack of genital self-esteem,” he says. “Be sure to reassure her that you’re attracted to her smell and taste, and that you enjoy being there and there’s no rush. She’s got all the time in the world.”. And oral sex paves the way for pleasure.
Kerner’s final point: it’s important not to be too goal-oriented. You run the risk of screwing things up. And anyway, you should be enthusiastic. Getting off is one of the surest ways to prolong sex (a lot).
4. The tongue hits the clitoris at full speed.
“Don’t check to make sure he’s got the pressure right. Cunnilingus is like a massage… it’s important to get the pressure right so it’s satisfying but not overwhelming.”- B, London, UK.
Of course, everyone is different, but many women interviewed mentioned that too much direct pressure on the clitoris can be too intense to be pleasurable. “The head of the clitoris is homologous to the head of the penis, which means they come from the same embryonic tissue,” explains clinical sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe. Dr. Lindsey Doe.” In the same way you probably don’t want me to suck, pat and rub the head of your dick, it’s the same with my clitoris.
Run your tongue along the clitoral shaft. Use the clitoral hood or foreskin to massage it without direct stimulation. And for God’s sake, pay attention to the body’s signals, because I might want less, more or something quite different. We each have our own preference when it comes to pressure.” The clitoris is full of nerves – more nerve endings than the whole penis – and while some women like a firm touch, for others it’s too sensitive. Take note of her verbal and non-verbal signals.
5. Don’t use your fingers or use them as a proxy for your penis.
“Fingered straight, instead of curling the fingers forward of the pelvis to touch the g-spot, it feels like a small penis. It doesn’t do much.”- B, London. UNITED KINGDOM.
Not all women liked their cunnilingus accompanied by fingering, but many women I spoke to said that having a mouth rub over and around their vulva made for a more powerful and reliable orgasm, especially rubbing the spongy area of the front wall of their vagina. “Don’t think of your fingers as a proxy for your penis; it’s not about the thrust; it’s more about penetration and pressure,” explains Dr. Kerner. “The vagina contracts naturally, so insert one or two fingers into the vagina; press upwards against the G-spot, let its vaginal muscles nestle and squeeze against your fingers.
6. Pay no attention to clues.
“When you say, ‘Mmm, this is so good, I love it,’ and they immediately turn it on. If something sounds amazing, please, oh, please, keep doing it that way. “- L, Brooklyn, NY.
While her thighs may be on your ears from time to time, listening to the verbal and non-verbal signals she gives you is going to be a key element in knowing whether she’s looking forward to it or frustrated by the oral you’re giving her. Generally, “yes” and “oh my god” mean “keep doing exactly what you’re doing” although, according to many women, they’re often interpreted as requests for change. Another witness, J from Brooklyn, put it this way, “Let’s go back to foreplay-type movements. I’m trying to focus on an orgasm! ”
Prolonged silences, on the other hand, force you to open up other channels of communication. Don’t be afraid to ask what she likes. And while you’re having these conversations, make sure you don’t utter any of the phrases you should never say to a naked woman.
