Sex… A real affair of state! What to do in and out of bed to prolong pleasure? According to Dr. Harry Fisch, author of The New Naked: the ultimate in adult sex education, 45% of men are stupefied in two minutes or less when having sex.
Combine that with the fact that most women need more than 15 minutes of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm, and you’ll find a seriously inconvenient truth. There are tricks to make sex last…
Fortunately, if you’re wondering how to last longer in bed, you can exercise some control to master your sexual response and increase your chances of regularly meeting an orgasm at around the same time of day as your partner. Bonus: if you really want to increase your sexual prowess, there are yoga moves that are guaranteed to make you a better sex partner.
1. Don’t skimp on cardio
Improving your body’s overall well-being can have a huge effect on your penis and all the fun things it can do. Cardiovascular exercises such asaerobics, swimming, running or jogging can strengthen your lungs and increase their capacity – and that’s exactly what you’ll need if you’re wondering how to last longer in bed. Being fit will help you control your breathing during intercourse and reduce the risk of premature ejaculation.
But cardio will also boost your metabolism, improving circulation in your heart, lungs and, most importantly, your penis. Working out has also been shown to stimulate the release of endorphins, which can help you release tension, stay calm and enjoy sexual contact, reducing the chances of dropping the sauce quickly. Sex is sport!
2. Change your routine
Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist, argues that experimenting with new positions and sensations can often help men last longer in bed. Her reasoning is positively Pavlovian: Greer argues that when you’ve been with the same partner for a while, habitual sexual positions can cause your body to anticipate its climax and bring the finale. Doing things in a different order can help delay it. “The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” says Greer. Finally, some quality sex.
3. Find your advantage
Ever heard of “sharp”? It means building up to what’s known as the “inevitability of ejaculation” – the orgasmic point of no return – then resting for a minute or so before resuming the action. You probably already know what the point of no return looks like. The important thing is to know the moment just before it. When you feel this way while having sex, stop doing anything that gets you closer to that point. Do something that doesn’t involve your penis, like orally or to stimulate your partner – as long as it’s not a trigger for you.
Eventually, build up to at least twenty minutes of stop-start action to give your partner a chance to orgasm before or at the same time as you. When you’re comfortable knowing where your tipping point is, you can navigate that zone without the expiration delays. There’s also an added benefit of the edge for you: delaying your climax will make your orgasm more powerful. To find out more, discover the 11 secrets to a harder erection and a mind-blowing orgasm.
4. Make your own kegels
Don’t laugh. The best way to strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle) to control ejaculation is to perform what are commonly known as Kegel exercises (as for pregnant women). The easiest way to regain this muscle is to stop the flow of pee when using the bathroom. You use the PC muscle to do it!
To make kegels, quickly squeeze and release the PC muscle repeatedly for ten seconds. Do three sets, with a ten-second pause between sets. Once you’re in a good routine, you can start taking out your new skill while having sex. Contract your PC muscle when you’re close to orgasm and you should be able to put a lid on things until you (and she) are ready.
5. Sex doesn’t have to be the main course
Preliminaries. The name we give to any other time of sexual play outside of intercourse is frankly a misnomer. Kissing, massaging, rubbing, manual, and oral stimulation don’t have to come first. A return to sexual practice – a less misleading name for non-penetrative sex play – is both a good way to make sex less scripted and to slow down the action. But there’s more to it than that.
Around 75% of women never reach orgasm from sex alone. So dividing up your sessions with activities likely to drive her wild is a proven way to increase her chances of falling asleep with a smile on her face. That’s what good sex is all about!
6. Take advantage of the refractory period
A man’s refractory period is the length of time between his ejaculation and his ability to obtain and maintain another erection. Studies have shown that men aged 18 have a refractory period of around 15 minutes, while those aged 70 take around 20 hours (The average for all men generally around half an hour). This intermission is an excellent opportunity for a man to turn his attention to pleasing his partner. His return to erection not only means the possibility of a second round, but, given that many men feel less sensitivity during an encore, intercourse is likely to last longer.
7. Use the squeeze method
You may have come across a drama called Masters of Sex. It depicts the life and work of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson : a two-person research team who explored the nature of human sexual response and the diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunctions and disorders from 1957 to the 1990s.
Part of their legacy was the prescription of the compression technique to delay ejaculation and prolong the duration of sexual intercourse. They told women to place the thumb, index and middle fingers around the tip of his penis and squeeze immediately before a man reaches ejaculatory inevitability and to continue squeezing until the feeling has passed and his body relaxes before slowly releasing the pressure. Give it a try. A man will lose some or most of his erection, but he should be able to get it back quickly and start again.
8. Use condoms
Used correctly, condoms are an effective way of reducing your chances of conceiving and contracting a number of sexually transmitted infections. They’re also pretty effective at reducing sensation, which means slipping on – even if contracting an STI or making a baby isn’t a problem – could be a great way to extend the duration of sex.
9. Masturbate before sex
For some men, masturbating fully an hour or two before intercourse can extend the duration of the main event. Some live cam sites can help…
10. Take a break
Provided you don’t have any pressing appointments, taking breaks during your sex session is a simple and effective way of slowing down intercourse, savoring the moment and increasing your mutual satisfaction. When things seem prematurely settled, stop and do something that saves you time. Go back to kissing, cuddling, massaging, playing with sensations – or, better still, turn the fire in your loins into something your partner marvels at.
11. Treat
Sildenafil (better known by the brand name, Viagra) is intended to help men with erectile dysfunction achieve and maintain erections, and for many ED sufferers, it does just that. But studies have shown that sildenafil does more than just put lead in his pencil. A 2007 study showed that sildenafil is a highly effective and safe way to treat premature ejaculation, while research published in early 2000 showed that sildenafil shortened the refractory period by an average of 11 minutes in men aged around 32.
12. Incorporate more eye contact
Making eye contact with your partner is a way of getting real-time sexual feedback and can be used as a synchronization signal. It’s also a gesture of respect, understanding and interest. As a result, your sexual relationship is likely to become not only longer, but better for you and your partner.
Instead of wondering how to stay in bed longer, and have the sex of your life, take a few moments to intentionally lock eyes and hold that mutual gaze or sexier engagement. At the very least, this eye contact will add time to your routine. But you may also find that it helps you connect with your partner in a more meaningful way.
13. Talk to your partner
If sex seems to be shorter than you and your partner like, talk about it. You can start by expressing your intention. Something like: “I love the sex we’re having so much and I want it to last longer”. Or you can frame it as a compliment: “I get so horny when we’re in bed together that it’s hard not to lose control”. You may find that expressing the problem – rather than avoiding or ignoring it – can have an immediate effect next time. From there, you can ask for your partner’s help in making sex last longer by explaining how to incorporate the elements listed above. “Tonight, I’d really like to make more eye contact / take breaks / try the compression method / emphasize overworking, et cetera.”
14. Talk to a professional
If you try all of the above and sex still doesn’t last as long as you and your partner would like, it may be time to consult a therapist as an individual or as a couple. Many sexual dysfunctions are rooted in psychology rather than physiology, and this is particularly true of premature ejaculation. A 2013 study published in Japanese Psychological Research examined 15 EP patients who had undergone eight to twelve sessions of therapy and found that the changes that occurred were “statistically significant with a trend towards improvement”.
15. Test numbing gels or condoms
The above methods should greatly improve your sexual stamina over time and, hopefully, provide an answer to the question of how to last longer in bed. But the nuclear option is to use a product designed to temporarily desensitize your penis. Durex, Trojan and Lifestyles all offer condoms containing between 4 and 5% benzocaine, an anesthetic agent that will help reduce your partener’s sensitivity and, ideally, allow you to slow down the clock during your next session. If condoms aren’t part of your routine, you can desensitize your penis by using an anesthetic spray.
Now that you’ve got all the secrets to lasting longer, you can also pick up a few secrets from gay people to improve your relationships.
