It’s no secret that men are far more likely to be unfaithful than women. If you need proof – and you probably don’t – consider that the vast majority of extramarital dating sites are predominantly male.
And, more recently, a survey revealed that 21% of men (versus 19% of women) had actually admitted to having been unfaithful in the past.
But the question remains: why do we do it? Does a “Y” chromosome biologically guarantee that we’re all doomed to this kind of action? Or is infidelity a more nuanced act with psychological complexity? After all, people don’t just wake up one day and say, “You know, I feel like cheating on my wife today”. As with everything to do with love and desire, it’s often complicated.
With that in mind, we reached out to relationship experts to gather the top reasons men are unfaithful to their wives, and we’ve included them all here.
1 – An ex is back around, a reason to be unfaithful?
It’s a banal story really. Quite often, when we’re in a difficult situation in our current relationship, we tend to “disqualify” the good guys.
And when an ex comes along, we remember that spark. So you end up in a situation where you gloss over the positive aspects of your current relationship and ignore the negative aspects – the ones that probably led to the break-up – of your former relationship. You’re heading for disaster, we tell you!
2 -You want something else
She may think the relationship is done a certain way; you may think otherwise and not have the courage to confront her about it. One of the reasons people are unfaithful is because it’s an impetus for change. Reverse in order to leap forward. It’s necessary for some people to have that impetus to get out of relationships they’re struggling to get out of. Think of it as the ultimate “it’s not you, it’s me” – something you shouldn’t say.
3 – Bad judgment and the will of the unfaithful
You’re more likely to get into an infidelity situation if you’re not happy in your relationship. Whether you agree to take tequila shots at a club with your friends or, even more dangerously, if you agree to have dinner one-on-one with your ex, people who are committed and satisfied with their relationship will avoid these scenarios. If you actively and repeatedly decide to engage in risky situations, ask yourself the question. People know the consequences of infidelity. It’s no secret. It tears couples apart.
4 – Your needs aren’t being met
Get your head out of the gutter; we’re not talking about sexual needs. It’s something that comes gradually. Maybe the one titillating you complimented you on your new haircut and your wife hasn’t done so in a while. Things start from there.
Maybe you argue a lot. Or maybe it’s been too long since you and your partner laughed together. Maybe you feel ignored and neglected. Whatever the reason, there’s a deficit in the relationship that’s reinforcing an emotional disconnect. And instead of tackling the problem head-on, thoughts turn to “She did this for me, and my wife doesn’t”.
5 – Feeling depressed or anxious
Everyone experiences feelings of depression and anxiety to some degree. The question is whether or not these thoughts stem from the relationship. If you feel lonely in your relationship, emasculated or angry with your partner, you could certainly be one of the cheating men. However, it’s important to note that cheating tends to exacerbate existing anxiety and depression. So the circle remains intact.
6 – Evolution
There’s that old adage that every man wants to sleep with as many women as possible – “spread his seed”, so to speak – and every woman wants to find a partner – “lock him up”. We’re writers, not evolutionary psychologists, so we can’t hope to speak to the truth of this thinking. There are theories from evolutionary psychology. The theory is that, since women only have a chance to reproduce once a month, they tend to be much more discriminating in their choice of partner. Whereas men can basically have a chance to reproduce every time they ejaculate.
7 – Psychopathic tendencies in cheaters
As mentioned above, most people don’t wake up with the malicious intent to betray or hurt their partner. Well, most people. Maybe it’s a personality disorder, or they’re deeply anti-social, or have narcissistic tendencies. Whatever the reason, they have to deal with the problem themselves. Until they do, this man will hurt everyone – and everyone lovingly involved with him. To be avoided.
8 – You have trouble “doing it
We’ve found that men with a higher propensity for what we call “sexual inhibition due to performance threat” become harder. It boils down to a need for validation; if he can’t play with his significant other, is he less of a man? An easy way to counter these feelings of inadequacy is to try to find a physical connection with someone new. And they like to know the tips and tricks to last longer in bed.
9 – A legitimate sexual addiction
Very few people have a legitimate sex addiction. Sex triggers the receptors for dopamine, the brain’s pleasure center. And like anything that triggers dopamine – like cocaine, heroin – it can be addictive. For some people, dopamine is activated more by sex than by other things.
10 – It’s a total co*****
Or, to use another term, “Mark” suffers from “sexual inhibition due to the threat of performance consequences”. That’s an elegant way of saying that men don’t fear the consequences of sex, like getting an STI, infecting someone or getting caught cheating on the other – and they’re more likely to be runners and unfaithful. And they’ll probably keep doing it even if they’ve already been caught. These are much stronger predictors for men than for women.
