In a world where dating apps dominate the dating game, it can seem increasingly difficult to find love outside the digital world. And then, IRL, it can be scary or discouraging. But don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time for old-school dating. So here are my top tips for (re)getting back on the horse and finding your other half without using the Internet or an app.
Photo Sara Motta
Old-fashioned flirting is not dead
Although dating sites and apps have revolutionized the way people meet in recent years, 59% of men say they prefer a more traditional approach (Harris Interactive poll for Meetic, 2021). Indeed, 72% find it more exciting to have to make the first move in person (Pew Research Center study on dating habits, 2020). So note, note… Seducing someone in real life not only shows your confidence and charisma, but also creates a more authentic connection right from the start. Plus, you can be sure you’re not dealing with a filter or a chatbot!
So yes, facing the stress and risk of rejection can act as a psychological barrier. But in the long run, it’s worth it. According to one study, couples who met offline are 25% more likely to be fulfilled in their relationship (scientific article “Online vs. Offline Romance: The Effects of Dating Apps on Relationship Satisfaction”, The Journal of Social Psychology, 2019). What’s more, the traditional “love at first sight” is only possible in person. So why deprive yourself? In fact, some of us can attest to the fact:
“I met my boyfriend at the local bar one night when I went out for a drink with some friends. We started chatting and hit it off right away! With apps, I’d never have made that connection at first sight.” – Maëva, 28 years old.
The ideal places to meet someone
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Bars and nightclubs
Classic but effective, this is THE destination of choice for dating. Casual atmosphere, lively music, physical proximity… Everything you need to break the ice and strike up a conversation. Bonus: these places make it easy to spot available and interested people.
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Events and leisure activities
Trade shows, festivals, cooking classes, hikes… So many opportunities to meet people with the same interests as you. You’ll have a ready-made topic of conversation! What’s more, these activities are a great way to show off your best features.
“I met my wife at a jazz concert. We started chatting about the band’s performance and immediately hit on our shared passion for music. Today, we still often go to concerts together!” – Pierre, 35
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Public transport
Yes, I know, daring to approach someone on the subway or bus can seem intimidating. But it’s a great way to surprise and stand out from the crowd. Bonus: you’ve got the whole journey to get to know each other and see if the conversation takes off! Wouldn’t it be a shame to miss the opportunity because of a little shyness?
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At work
Be careful, you have to remain professional. But it’s an option not to be neglected, especially if you’re often in contact with the same people. Just bear in mind that it can be tricky if the relationship turns sour. And if you’re really motivated, you can find some tips on how to pick up a colleague at work here.
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Associations and volunteers
Getting involved in a cause close to your heart is a great way to meet people who share your values. Whether it’s a charity, a sports club or a civic initiative, you’ll have the opportunity to exchange ideas, get to know each other and, why not, forge lasting bonds.
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Evenings out with friends
Ask your friends and family to introduce you to new people at their own parties. It’s a simple, no-pressure way to meet new people in a safe environment. Many couples are formed in these relaxed moments between close friends.
Photo Cottonbro
My advice for taking the first step
Once you’re there, here are a few unstoppable techniques for starting a conversation:
- Dare to approach directly with a sincere compliment: “Excuse me, I noticed you have a beautiful smile.”
- Use humor and levity: “Say, you wouldn’t happen to be the most interesting person in this room, would you?” or the more original “you’ve got very nice… elbows”. If she hasn’t noticed you yet, she will!
- Suggest a joint activity: “Would you like to join me for a drink?” or “I’ve got to pick up a snack, would you like me to bring you one too?”
- Don’t hesitate to ask for advice or help – it’s a good way to start a conversation: “Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to know where the conference room is?”
- Pay attention to signs of interest and don’t be afraid of rejection – it’s normal! Keep your dignity and move on.
Learn to read the signals
When you approach someone, pay attention to the signs that he or she is interested:
- A frank, steady gaze
- A friendly smile
- Opening gestures (arms, legs, etc.)
- A short physical distance
- Questions about you and your life
Conversely, if the person seems uncomfortable, shy or closed, don’t force the issue and withdraw politely. A successful approach is better than an abject failure!
Photo Liliana Legzdina
Closing words
It’s true that facing up to the gaze of others and braving shyness takes courage. But in the end, it’s so much more rewarding than staying behind a screen! So go for it, dare to approach people directly and let your natural charm do the talking. Who knows, maybe your next love encounter will take place in totally unexpected circumstances?
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