It’s a tale as old as time: boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl spend the rest of their lives together in blissful harmony. Even Romeo and Juliet ended up together, in a twisted way. So watch out for all the signs of doomed relationships…
Unfortunately, life doesn’t just follow such simple, gentle guidelines. No, the story, more precisely and more frequently, goes like this: boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl fall in love, with levels of animosity varying from one relationship to the next. The hard part is figuring out when to move from Act II to Act III. Short of inhuman introspection, “Is my relationship doomed?” is an almost impossible question to answer. So don’t do it. Leave it to someone else, like these experts here, who have established 20 warning signs that relationships are doomed and it’s time to consider trying an open marriage. (Yes, they exist.)
1. You ignored the truth from the start
A surefire way to set your relationship up for failure? Set a major red flag right from the start. People ignore what has clouded their relationships for many reasons. Sometimes we’re afraid of the truth because discovering the truth may mean we have to change. But the truth is, if you’ve always wanted children and your partner doesn’t and you’ve always known that, it’s best to cut the cord now and save yourself the pain later.
2. You don’t remember the positives
Every relationship has its difficult moments. But if you think back to the beginning of your relationship, it’s hard to remember the “good times” you had together. That’s because they’re buried under your current conflict and emotional pain in the relationship. This is probably a sign that your relationship could be over.
3. Your values simply don’t align
Family, money and religion are hard to change. You’ll notice that people are attracted to each other for all sorts of reasons. And it’s true that sometimes opposites are attractive. But if you want to build a strong, lasting relationship with an intimate partner, it’s important that your core values are aligned. Bottom line: if you’re not on the same page and can’t find common ground, the relationship probably won’t stand the test of time.
4. Disagreements turn into eruptions
Conflict is a healthy part of relationships, but how you resolve it can mean bonding or destruction. If you handle conflict in a systematic and destructive way, such as yelling, interrupting, screaming or calling your partner’s name, studies show that you’re twice as likely to divorce or separate over time.
5. You’re not looking forward to going home
There’s no bigger sign that a relationship is doomed to failure if you avoid going home at night. If you don’t want to see your partner, or be with her, you’ve already begun the dissolution process passively.
6. You’re not sexually compatible
Sex can make or break a relationship. When a couple feels that they’re not sexually compatible (for example, she wants to have sex more often than he does, or he’s not physically attracted to her), it’s a sure sign of long-term sexual problems. If one (or both) partners aren’t willing to face the problem and resolve it head-on, time will only make things worse. Need ways to spice things up in the bedroom? Discover 3 ways to instantly transform your wife into a sex goddess.
7. You always blame her
Sometimes accidents aren’t anyone’s fault, but if you always feel it’s your partner’s fault, or vice versa, something’s wrong.
8. One of you is being treated for drug addiction
Of course, former addicts can be in relationships, but these relationships are “dependent on the other person’s success with sobriety. Without it, both partners come and go in a relational dance full of toxicity and pain. A relationship can usually survive addiction for some time before one partner is exhausted. One of the good signs of a lost relationship…
9. You can’t agree on where to live
People want to live in certain places. They want to know where, when and at what age. Some couples are able to work long distances when they can’t agree on where to live, but usually this sets the partners apart.
10. Keeping secrets
If you refuse to tell your other half everything, it probably means that the relationship is moving towards a break-up. There’s a difference between secrecy and privacy. It’s really nice and healthy to have a private life, but keeping secrets can be a recipe for disaster.
11. You wouldn’t want to go there in a crisis
One way to identify the people you feel emotionally close to is to ask yourself who to turn to for help and support in a stressful situation, such as losing a job. An unhealthy relationship is when you’d rather get help from someone other than your partner. Your partner doesn’t have to be the only one you turn to in times of trouble, but you should want to go to your partner for help.
12. You don’t trust yourself
Or one of you doesn’t trust the other. While trust can be rebuilt, it’s incredibly difficult and requires two very committed people. If you’re always wanting to check your partner’s phone (does he have female contacts? Does he go on charm sites? Is he seeing someone else? …) or if you’re constantly wondering if what she’s doing is different from what she said, you might want to pull back. If you don’t really trust her, you might want to know the 15 signs that a woman is cheating on you.
13. Every conversation is delicate
Pay attention to how you talk to each other in a relationship. If you feel you’re not really getting along, and every request or question feels like one of you is being nagged or criticized, that’s a major red flag. Don’t miss these signs of lost relationships.
14. You can’t/won’t have an unpleasant conversation
You’ve probably heard this before, but it bears repeating: communication is essential to a healthy relationship. Some of the separate issues are money, sex and different definitions of monogamy. Although these issues are difficult to deal with, they can almost always be reconciled if both partners are willing to talk about them openly, vulnerably and honestly. If you can’t or don’t want to pursue communication, the relationship is doomed to failure.
15. Your ideas of the ideal future are very different
When partners don’t align with their fundamental visions, for example to have children or to move on to the next level, relationships usually dissolve. What’s more, if you’ve started imagining your future without your partner, it’s time to get out.
16. You can’t name your partner’s positive qualities
A major indicator that you’re no longer in love with your other half? You criticize your partner and stop seeing the “good” in her. If you’re past the divorce stage , think about reinventing yourself with these 8 tips for moving on faster and better.
17. You never disagree
Fighting unfairly is bad, but never having a conflict is also a pretty big sign that something’s wrong. Healthy partnerships will generate disagreements, which will be resolved together. If you never have a disagreement, it’s probably because one or the other (or both) avoid discussing things that make you uncomfortable, leading to a storm brewing beneath the surface.
18. There’s no point in catering to everyone’s needs
When a partner shows no interest in his or her mate’s needs and desires, the relationship is treading on dangerous ground. If you simply don’t care about what your partner wants or needs, you probably shouldn’t be together anymore.
19. One of you is more committed than the other
Relationships change and grow and evolve as people change and grow and evolve. If one partner is striving to become a better version of herself and the other partner isn’t, the relationship is probably over. What’s more, if one partner is really trying to make the relationship work and the other isn’t, the effort can end up being wasted.
20. You’re not ready to take the next step
Some ambiguity in a relationship is normal. Not everyone knows immediately whether they’ve found “the one” or whether they’re still certain they want to continue being married to their spouse. However, in every relationship, it’s necessary to decide on the fundamentals (moving in together, marriage). For married couples, this may be whether or not to buy a house, have a child or make some other important decision. Similarly, if you find you can’t make a decision, chances are you’re heading for a break-up. This is one of the most obvious signs of a lost relationship!
