After intercourse, there’s a wealth of information on what we can do to increase the risks of active sex, and countless other advice and help articles on how best to behave during the act itself .
Interestingly, though, there’s not a lot of useful information out there about what men should do after sex. That’s why we’ve done some research, talked to a number of sex educators and therapists and figured out exactly what we should and shouldn’t do after sex.
Getting to grips with these post-coital relationships can often be a determining factor in whether or not you rise in your partner’s esteem, and perhaps your own too.
1 – Immediately fall asleep after intercourse
Many men are familiar with the urge to sleep after their orgasm. Some humorously think that men sleep because women don’t turn into pizza.
In all seriousness, though, there are many reasons why guys want to sleep immediately after sex: it often happens around bedtime, we’re already in bed, we’ve probably been exercising physically, and so on. Orgasm also releases a cocktail of chemicals that often work like a mega-dose of sleeping pills.
Your best bet, however, is to resist the urge to let go until you’ve examined all the other items on this list. But if you’re looking for the exact chemical explanation, check out why men fall asleep after sex (and women don’t).
2 – Turn on the TV
Turning on the TV or picking up your phone will leave her feeling abandoned and unimportant to you. By sleeping with you, a woman has made herself vulnerable. If you disconnect, you’ll leave her feeling unsafe and insecure. Ditto, checking Facebook one last time before going to sleep really isn’t worth it, so don’t do it.
3 – Putting away sex toys without cleaning them
Several studies have examined the ability of bacteria and viruses like human papillomavirus (HPV) to linger on sex toys if they’re not cleaned properly. Falling asleep before cleaning your used toy increases the risk that one or both of you will contract the infection that requires a visit to your doctor’s office and an interruption of sexual intercourse for some time. Quality sex toys come with detailed care instructions, specific to each item. Make sure you know what they are so you can play safely.
4 – Bathe in your own juices
Sex can – and some say should – be a wet, wild experience. But one of the common consequences of unlimited intercourse is a puddle of juice in which it can be quite uncomfortable to feel – and disregard your partner’s comfort. If you don’t want to be flooded, offer to change the sheets or put down a blanket. If you and your partner tend to have “juicy” sex, consider investing in an absorbent sex blanket and put it up.
5 – Shower immediately after sex
As mentioned above, sex can be an activity that leaves you in a sticky and sometimes fragrant sweat. However, some people don’t appreciate this aspect of sex and rush to the bathroom to wash up immediately after they’ve finished. There are actually very good reasons to wash up after sex, but you shouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to do it. You don’t want to tell her you’re “cleaning her up”. Wait a minute. Give her the clear message that you love her and aren’t in a hurry to clean everything up (unless she prefers the quick cleanup).
6 – Being overly critical
Sex usually means being naked. Literally naked, meaning without clothing, and figuratively naked, meaning without pretense or artifice. This means that being critical during this time is probably not a good idea. After a rush of endorphins and a release of oxytocin, people generally feel vulnerable. Being critical while someone is naked in bed is not only going to be hurtful, but can also make them less open to new sexual experiences with you. If you really need to give your opinion, wait until the next day, when the chemicals have returned to their original state and you’re fully clothed.
7 – Disclosing information she should have known before having sex with you
If you suspect an STI, if you’ve had sex with another partner, it’s a bad idea to hide it. There’s nothing worse than dropping a bombshell after the fact. Depending on the information you disclose, your partner may also feel betrayed and angry. Be respectful and open up [beforehand] so your partner can make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to have sex with you, just as you need to make the same informed decision.
And while we’re on the subject of transparency..
8 – Ask him to leave
Maybe you have a very good reason why you can’t have a sleepover. Maybe you’ll get an early start the next morning, or maybe sharing a bed won’t ensure a good night’s sleep just yet. That’s totally legitimate. What’s not cool, however, is informing your partner that a sleepover isn’t an option after intercourse.
9 – Being physically distant
After sex, our bodies and brains are flooded with feel-good hormones. These hormones promote bonding. If you keep a physical distance from your partner after sex, it probably won’t go unnoticed. Staying in touch is very important for a woman. If you don’t touch her, no cuddling, no compliments, she’s likely to withdraw. Sex isn’t an event for her that ends in an orgasm. So it shouldn’t be for you either.
10 – Smoking
Smoking is obviously a bad idea at any time. But after sex is perhaps the worst opportunity to do so. I mean, ending an intimate sexual session short of breath, and using a condom as a makeshift ashtray? Not as sexy as decades of cinematic depictions would have us believe. What’s more, habitual smoking is strongly linked to erectile dysfunction and also exacerbates snoring.
11 – Describe your facial expressions during orgasm right after intercourse
In all honesty, we hadn’t considered this one. But many men make a point of relaying what they’ve witnessed during one of the rawest and most vulnerable moments of the human experience. Which isn’t a good idea, because women want to lose themselves during sex. The last thing they want is for someone to give them a detailed description of their most intimate moments.
There’s no reason you should want the person you just had sex with to feel bad. Don’t be that jerk. On the contrary, follow these 25 tips to turn yourself into a sex god.
