There are all kinds of couples: older men, more mature women, big or small age differences… Anything is possible. But is it easy to love each other when you’re 20 years apart? Is it possible to build a solid relationship?
20 years apart … This kind of relationship always gets people talking, no matter who the more mature partner is. But it happens more often than you might think. And love has no age. However, depending on the differences, building a relationship to last is not always easy.
What are the most frequently encountered problems?
Couples 20 years apart often face recurring problems. Let’s take a look at the list.
Generation conflict
It’s important to understand that 2 decades apart inevitably leads to differences in culture and references. Not being of the same generation, we sometimes find ourselves confronted with different tastes, interests, values and upbringings than those of our loved ones. Our vision of life and things may not be the same.
This is what makes it difficult for a couple to flourish. Not wanting the same things at the same time, not wanting to do the same activities, wanting a different lifestyle or a faster pace for one and a gentler one for the other… This can lead to frustration for one or both of them. And when the renunciations are too strong, the break-up is not far off.
Children or no children?
The question of offspring is also a recurring problem when you’re 20 years apart. While men can procreate until their last breath, women have an “expiry” date. Then there’s the older man who doesn’t want to have any more children with a younger woman, because he can’t see himself raising (another) child at her age. The same goes for a woman who has already started a family and doesn’t want to do it again.
In both cases, refusing to do so runs the risk of seeing the other woman leave, or of giving her regrets in the future.
Physical limits
Over time, our strength diminishes. Our bodies no longer react in the same way, and sometimes find it hard to keep up. This is one of the reasons why 20 years of age difference in a couple is rather difficult for both parties to overcome. Of course, everything’s fine at first, since everyone’s on top form. Unfortunately, the complications only become apparent later on.
Often, the younger partner needs a more dynamic pace of life, while the older partner needs a calmer, more peaceful one. And these tendencies can be found in both personal and professional life. These differences can be the cause of break-ups.
What others think and vision of the future
Having a man who’s 20 years older makes you think he’ll be the first to leave. It also puts a damper on the feeling of enjoying the relationship to the full, especially if he’s not willing to compromise and get out of his comfort zones. The same goes for the woman. This kind of thinking puts a lot of pressure on the couple and is another point that pushes them to separate.
In addition to differing visions of the future, there’s also the judgment of others. Our society still finds it hard to accept big age differences. Younger people awaiting an inheritance are labelled as profiteers. Younger women are branded as venal or in search of a father. In short, prejudices die hard.
20 years apart: the love of maturity and stability
Fortunately, there are also positive points of view. Many people believe that a relationship with a big age difference can lead to a harmonization of the couple. Despite the gap, we can accept the other as he or she is, and the experience of one can be useful to the other.
What’s more, couples 20 years apart live their relationship more intensely. Since they know that their time is potentially shorter, they take full advantage of it. In short, it’s quite possible to build a serious, lasting relationship with a 20-year age gap if each shows tolerance, patience, passion and maturity. After all, these are the foundations of love, aren’t they?
In any case, it’s important to remember that it’s all a question of affinity. Physical, intellectual, emotional… It all starts with mutual attraction. Then, the lovers build a relationship that must be based on shared values. Understanding, support, listening. In the end, age is just a number. Above all, it’s a union of two souls who need and care for each other.
How do I find my ideal partner?
You can always try dating through friends, at your workplace or in a club you’ve joined. Or, like many French people, you can try a dating site or app dedicated to this purpose. Don’t forget to fill in your profile to make sure you attract the right people.
