With a few minor adjustments, making love after 40 can be the best of your life. Did you think your life was over and that you’d lived your best years? You were wrong. Discover the secrets of good sex after 40.
Intimacy after 40 doesn’t get the attention it deserves. The bad news is that the second half of life brings sexual changes, and these are never easy. But here’s the good news: with simple adjustments, physical intimacy after 40, 50, 60 and beyond can feel as satisfying as ever-or even better-and deepen the love you share.
Solutions for minor discomforts
Age-related sexual changes begin between the ages of 40 and 50. These are women’s “menopausal” years, when estrogen begins to fall and menstruation becomes less regular. Many women also begin to suffer from vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable. Fortunately, a personal lubricant is usually a quick and effective solution.
Meanwhile, between the ages of 40 and 50, most men begin to experience changes in their erections. Erotic daydreams are no longer enough to get an erection every morning. Men need direct genital caresses (vigor increasing with age). When erections do appear, they’re not as firm as they were in their twenties, and minor distractions can weaken them. This is not erectile dysfunction (ED). It’s middle-aged erectile dissatisfaction. (ED means an inability to raise erections during sustained masturbation). Nevertheless, for older men with erectile dissatisfaction, these “strange” erections can be annoying.
Evolution based on biology
However upsetting sexual changes may be after the age of 40, they have an evolutionary meaning. The biological purpose of life is to reproduce life. As women leave their childbearing years, there is no evolutionary imperative to continue sex with women – that is, intercourse, to put it “practically”. So there’s no biological reason to make it comfortable by continuing to produce natural vaginal lubrication.
At the same time, men can have children well into old age, but until recently, as our species evolved, few men lived beyond the age of 40, and even fewer fathered children late in life. Consequently, there was no evolutionary reason to preserve the reproductive function beyond this age. Biologically, older men who no longer have children don’t need sexual intercourse – or the firm erections that make it possible.
Sexuality that endures and evolves with age
But these days, as age-related sexual changes occur, most older couples keep trying to have sex. Lubricants and erection drugs usually help… for a while.
After 50, sexual changes continue. Sexual relations can become increasingly uncomfortable for women, even with lubricants; and even with medication, many men suffer from increasingly fragile erections, and some develop ED. These changes make sexual relations more problematic and, for many older couples, impossible.
However, if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, there are “little extras” to boost your libido. Give them a try!
Sex vs. intercourse
Unfortunately, many people believe that sex and intercourse are synonymous, that if they can’t enjoy the old in-out, sex must be finished for them. This is a shame. Withdrawing from love makes relationships less intimate and ignores the deep human need to experience gentle, sensual contact. Other couples decide to evolve their love to adapt to age-related changes. This means developing love to the detriment of intercourse, substituting more kisses, cuddles, full-body massages, toys and oral sex.
Recent studies show that older couples who remain happily sexual develop their relationships to sex away from intercourse. Two studies of thousands of men over 50 show that, despite copious advertising and media hype, only around 10% have ever tried drugs for this purpose, let alone become regular users. Many older men think: if I don’t have sex, I don’t need erections, so why take the drugs?
In either case, dietary supplements could be a plus for your libido.
Men don’t need erections to have orgasms
It’s true. Even with an old, temperamental or even flaccid penis, a comfortable environment, vivid erotic fantasies and a woman’s loving – and vigorous – caresses are enough to trigger consistently pleasurable climaxes.
Change is hard, especially sexual change. But when older couples help each other through the transition, they often discover a deeper, richer eroticism and love each other even more. So why shouldn’t you?
