Men’s enthusiasm seems to fade after lovemaking. Yet behind this post-coital silence lie real emotions. Modern studies show that some 40-41% of men have experienced some form of sadness or melancholy after sex. It’s a universal but little-known phenomenon, often even taboo.
Despite the excitement and pleasure, some men may close in on themselves due to unexpected discomfort. How do men feel after sex? What are they afraid to admit? This article deciphers these secret feelings, from both an erotic and a psychological/sociological point of view.
The hormonal whirlwind after orgasm
Orgasm triggers a surge of pleasure hormones, giving a strong sense of satisfaction and well-being. This “chemical euphoria” generally leads to physical relaxation and a feeling of fullness, even drowsiness in men.
Immediately after ejaculation, the man enters the refractory phase, a biological period when post-orgasm awakening is difficult. Testosterone prevents the action of oxytocin, while prolactin appears to put an end to pleasure, leading to a strong need for sleep. So the urge to stop all contact and go to sleep is natural for most men.
On the other hand, there are men who remain attentive because of arousal, their particular personal characteristics or other types of stimulation. The fact remains, however, that most men frequently feel a great sense of relaxation after the act of lovemaking. The body is tired, approaching “little death” and regenerative sleep.
The male sex blues: hidden symptoms
Dysphoria after sexual intercourse usually translates into a mixture of negative emotions as soon as the act is over. Some men may experience grief, intense feelings of melancholy, anxiety, irritability or some form of agitation with no obvious cause. Paradoxically, this can happen even when intercourse has been satisfying, and the partner is astonished.
An international study shows that almost 41% of men have experienced an episode of the “post-sex blues”, 20% in the previous month and 3-4% on a regular basis. This prevalence is comparable to the figures for women.
A feeling of “emptiness
In men, the dominant symptom is often a feeling of being “unhappy” and lacking energy. Some describe feeling “empty, emotionless” or very agitated, irritated, needing to be alone. Many prefer to withdraw or isolate themselves rather than express their discomfort.
“After sex, I feel like curling up alone in my corner… even though everything was fine before.” This type of post-coital reaction can be explained by the fact that the body suddenly comes down from intense excitability, sometimes revealing previously contained emotions.
Secret desires and vulnerability
Contrary to appearances, many men secretly desire tenderness and gentleness after lovemaking. They dream of cuddles, prolonged caresses or even a simple whispered “I love you”, but they don’t dare ask for it.
The fear of seeming fragile or of “ruining the moment” encourages them to stifle these desires. Saying “I need a hug” seems unthinkable. But sex makes you vulnerable. Freed from tension, men can see repressed emotions such as memories of old sorrows, deep-seated anxieties or traumas rise to the surface.
You feel bad afterwards, for no reason at all,” confides one man. And yet, everything went well… I understand that it can worry my partner.” This kind of anonymous confidence shows that discomfort is neither rare nor irrational.
Taboos and pressures of masculinity
Culture often demands that a real man control his emotions. Thus, boys grow up with the belief that they must show strength and stoicism. Crying or talking about their weaknesses is seen as shameful, especially right after an intimate moment.
Indirect expression
Deprived of this vulnerability, men express their feelings differently, either through anger, irritability or annoyance. As a result, after sex, frustration may translate into a grumpy mood rather than an explicit request for emotional support.
Many men find it difficult to communicate their inner emotions. “From childhood, I was told not to cry, to pull myself together”. This socialization explains why men often prefer to deal with their post-coital discomfort in silence.
Men’s silence after intercourse can create a distance between partners, as this is often misinterpreted as a lack of interest or warmth. In reality, it’s a silent cry that men stifle, wanting to preserve their image.
Tips for breaking the post-coital ice
It’s best not to get up immediately after an orgasm, but to focus on affectionate gestures. Kiss, caress or simply hold each other. These little gestures will reassure your male partner in the midst of the “resolution” phase.
Exchange and reassure
Research confirms that couples who talk and cuddle after intercourse experience greater sexual and relationship satisfaction. Encourage post-coital discussion with terms like “How do you feel?” and help clear up any unspoken words. A kind word or a knowing caress can be enough to ward off discomfort.
Avoid turning off the light or breaking contact too abruptly. It’s important to prevent any feeling of abandonment. On the contrary, staying present, even silently, shows that you hear the other person.
If post-sexual discomfort is intense or recurring, it may be useful totalk to a sexologist or psychologist. As the experts point out, although post-coital dysphoria can happen to anyone, communication is the key to recovery. A professional will be able to distinguish whether it’s CPP or something else related to stress, underlying anxiety, etc., and suggest suitable avenues.
Educating people to listen to each other
Both partners need to understand that the post-relationship period is also a sensitive time. You need to encourage the other person, or yourself, to express yourself. Even a difficult word like “I’m feeling a bit blue” can transform intimacy into sharing, not isolation.
In short, if men don’t express themselves after sex, it has nothing to do with perversity, let alone “boredom”. It’s very often a question of a post-orgasmic physical and psychological cocktail. Indeed, some men may feel unhappy or vulnerable after coitus. This should pave the way for greater understanding.
Behind the curtains of the flesh, the heart sometimes beats in silence. So it’s essential to break that silence. So that the post-coitus moment becomes as much a moment of fusion as the moment of passion itself. In this way, post-coït confidences will no longer remain unspoken, but shared.
