Aftercare is a BDSM practice.This activity is indispensable during sessions between submissives and dominants, and rightly so . However, it could also be adopted for more traditional sexual relations, as it has many advantages .
Photo Cottonbro Studio
If you’re not a fan of BDSM (bondage, domination, submission, sado-masochism), your knowledge of the field must be confined to classic clichés like whips, handcuffs, spanking, and fax-play, all sprinkled with leather and latex. However, there are some practices that deserve a closer look, such as aftercare.
In the BDSM world, aftercare refers to the time and attention given to partners after an intense sexual experience. While these experiences (or “scenes”, as they’re called) are negotiated in advance and involve consent and the definition of a safe-word (in case someone suddenly wants to stop), this doesn’t mean that participants should forget to be attentive and communicative once the experience is over.
If aftercare is a real plus during the most intense moments of your lovemaking, it can also delay ejaculation. In other words, aftercare can improve your sexuality. Let me tell you more.
What is after care?
Literally translated, aftercare is the “care after” coitus. More concretely, it’s the cuddling and caressing that dominants and submissives lavish on each other after the sessions. The physical, psychological and emotional needs of the participants are met.
“During this type of session, the protagonists expend a lot of energy: the submissive takes it physically and mentally, and the dominant gives a lot too,” explains sex therapist Marjorie Cambier. “So it’s a moment of calm, of soothing, between submissive and dominant, to relax both body and mind. Most of the time, the aftercare comes at the end of the BDSM session, but can also take place during it, if the pressure is too great for example”, she adds.
Let’s not forget that respect and consent are two crucial points that form an integral part of a BDSM session. It’s also a time for debriefing. This way, everyone can share their feelings and preferences, and improve the relationship next time. And yes, if we can have the keys to an intense orgasm every time, it would be a shame to miss out.
As you can see, you can also adopt aftercare as part of your vanilla sexuality. You don’t have to be a fan of BDSM.
Photo Nikolina
But why adopt it in all types of relation ships ?
In relationships of domination and submission, aftercare is indispensable. Especially if the sessions are intense. The body and mind need moments of respite to appreciate what comes next and transform pain into pleasure. But it’s also nice to put it into practice in vanilla sex.
In fact, by communicating more, you can discover more about your partner and what makes him or her come. This can only be beneficial. What’s more, talking about your intimacy and sharing what you like and don’t like with the other person, and vice versa, creates deeper relationships.
“A moment of tenderness and cuddling after sex allows you to relax your body, return to normal physiology, soothe yourself both physically and emotionally, but also talk to each other, find out what was positive, what may have been less so, and give free rein to your feelings”, explains the sex therapist.
Communicating and showing affection will only make sex better for everyone. You can also apply aftercare to a one-night stand. You don’t have to be in a relationship to share a moment of complicity, a feeling of security, and physical and psychological soothing.
What we’re really looking for with this practice
When it comes to BDSM in particular, “sub-drop” is what we seek to alleviate during aftercare. The term “sub-drop” refers to the sadness a submissive partner may feel when endorphins crash and adrenaline floods their body after an intense scene (although dominant partners may also experience drops).
This sadness can be found in all types of relationships, not just BDSM. Many women report feeling sad after sex. All because of those damn endorphins. Proof with a 2015 study found that nearly 46% of 230 women surveyed had experienced feelings of sadness and anxiety after sex – so-called “postcoital dysphoria” – at least once in their lives (and around 5% had experienced these feelings repeatedly in the four weeks prior to the study).
Experts attribute this phenomenon to the hormonal changes that occur after orgasm. And it seems that women are particularly sensitive to these changes. Others link it to a feeling of neglect that the woman may have experienced during intercourse by not being totally satisfied. This is called “orgasmic deficit”. So we need to communicate to avoid it. Or at least limit it.
Photo Cottonbro Studio
Aftercare is subject to many rules
If we’ve summed up what aftercare is, it can take many different forms. For example, for your booty call or one-night stand, you can simply share your feelings about the experience. Take it easy, though, as women aren’t usually used to this from a man – you could scare her off!
In any case, if the good feelings are shared, this can be a pretext for proposing to see the person again. People want to be reminded that they matter, even after they’ve sexually gratified someone. But if it didn’t go well, you should say so too.
If you’ve been a couple for a long time, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t practice aftercare. With these exchanges, you may be able to suggest new things in your relationship. Or improve certain details. What’s more, it can be easy for long-time partners to feel neglected. So make sure you cuddle, stroke each other’s hair and savor the moment after sex so that even the most routine intercourse becomes special.
And you can try it out out of bed, with a cool head. That way, you’ll be able to analyze and perhaps listen better than after an orgasm. You can also communicate before sex to say what you want, and so can your partner. If you can learn from this, you’re well on your way to an explosive next sex session!
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