Sex life is changing! Faced with the choice between premarital sex and marriedsex, it’s safe to say that most people would choose option number one. Although lust is often replaced by a deeper emotional bond after many years together – which is certainly a recipe for incredible sex – the early stages of getting to know someone are undoubtedly more, well… exciting.
But experts say it doesn’t have to be that way. Armed with the knowledge of what could (and probably will) happen in your sex life over the years with your spouse, you can recognize the patterns and signs that things are cooling off in the bedroom, then nip them in the bud. What’s more, it’s possible for sex to improve after marriage, if you put your mind to it. Read on to find out what they are. And we’ve got lots of great tips for spicing up your sex life.
1. Sex will be shorter
For better or worse, hour-long “working” sessions are usually retired after a few years of marriage. That’s not to say you won’t have long encounters from time to time, but probably only on very special occasions. There are several reasons for this. Life is getting more and more complicated with all the people you have to deal with, and your free time is getting shorter.
This is especially true if you have children, as you never know when you might be interrupted. When you don’t have much time, a quickie becomes an art. Otherwise you’re left with these tips for making sex last longer.
2. But it will also be more effectiv
The fast and furious approach is not without its advantages. The best reason it will go faster is that, over time, you’ll understand each other very well and you’ll both know the combination to unleash each other’s pleasure. In other words, you’ll both be pros at getting the job done. For more great ways to spice up your sex life after marriage, considering an open marriage is no problem (if both agree).
3. You plan it
It might not seem so romantic to set aside time to make love, but believe it possible. As married couples begin to develop a rhythm around work and family life, they also develop a rhythm around marital sex. When partners are dating and not living together, it’s realistic to make love whenever they have the opportunity to see each other, especially if those opportunities are few and far between.
However, when a couple live together, they may have better physical access to each other, but still feel limited by the demands of their work schedules and other commitments. In this sense, the planning method is pretty good because it affirms that you both want to have sex and that you’ll have enough time to do so.
4. It’ll get better
Yes, you read that right. The longer you’ve known each other, the better you know what to do to give your partner pleasure. The pleasure is more intense because there are less uncertain moments. You know each other very well and feel at ease, and relaxation translates into the ability to orgasm more easily.
Having a higher level of familiarity can make experimentation easier, keeping things interesting and passionate.
5. You’ll be more careful when and where
In the dating phase, it’s not uncommon for passions to run so deep that couples don’t really care where or how they have sex. Ripping off clothes in the heat of passion or even soiling sheets is no big deal as long as the sexual bond is established. My customers shyly report that they think about putting a sheet on the sofa or bed or carefully removing their clothes before making love, declaring that, while they really want to indulge in the act, they also want to preserve their pretty things!
6. But you’ll probably dare to take more risks another way
Precautionary items that were once an absolute necessity, such as condoms, are likely to lead to an exit from your sex life. The same applies to other methods of birth control and protection, insofar as the fear of pregnancy or STIs can be alleviated.
7. You’ll probably feel more in love, less lustful
Sometimes, staying with your partner for a long time can lead to feelings of strong sexual attraction turning into a much deeper, more emotionally charged, less focused and sex-dependent kind of love. It’s safe and healthy, but the exhilaration of sexual attraction and lust diminishes. For more on marriage, learn how to make your marriage last forever.
8. You can experiment less
But it certainly doesn’t have to be this way. Sexual experimentation can mean couples adopt the persona of a happy couple, without realizing that happily married couples swing, have sex toys, experiment withBDSM, and watch porn. So, while the tendency to be adventurous in your sex life often diminishes as your relationship continues, you can certainly make an effort to spice things up so you don’t get bored.
9. No need for romantic frills
Maybe your backyard was filled with rose-petal-covered beds and sensual bubble baths, but these gestures tend to fade as your partnership develops. Couples become more secure with each other and complacent, and no longer feel the need to make efforts to seduce their partner.
While it’s certainly not necessary to do these things every time you head to the bedroom, it can make things more exciting to consciously up the romance factor. Although if you always feel compelled to make a romantic gesture, try one.
10. It takes on a whole new meaning
Sex used to be just fun, but now married sex could be more like pregnancy. Getting pregnant is child’s play for some couples, but for others, careful planning is required to achieve the desired goal. When couples discover that they have to be intimate during the woman’s ovulation window, which may only take a few hours a month, it can lead to feelings of pressure, anxiety, frustration and sometimes resentment.
Sometimes the pressure can lead to performance anxiety, but the goal of conception can also make sex even more meaningful.
11. This will probably be less frequent
It may have been hot and heavy at first, but if you’re married from time to time, it’s not uncommon for sex to be less frequent. This doesn’t mean anyone is unfaithful or less attracted, it’s simply a symptom of life happening for you and your relationship. Basically, it’s just par for the course.
12. Or more frequent
This is mainly true for couples who lived apart or in different cities before marriage. The novelty of being able to have sex whenever you want can make lovemaking very frequent for new cohabitants.
13. This can be annoying at times
You know what positions work well for you, what turns your partner on and how to get the job done like it’s nothing. But sometimes doing the same thing over and over again can get a little monotonous. You’re not necessarily less in love or less attracted. Sometimes people just get lazy after being together for a long time.
If you find that married sex is becoming less interesting than in the past, try something new with a healthy dose of enthusiasm. You’ll surprise your partner and maybe inspire her to try something new too. You can also try spicing up your sex life with some of these strategies .
14. You’ll be right on target
There’s less foreplay after marriage. This is mainly because the objective is to reach orgasm and finish. This often happens because when you’re in the dating phase, you’re trying to win and keep your partner’s interests, and the insecurity you feel in the relationship keeps you motivated to devote effort and attention to making love.
As mentioned earlier, however, there’s no reason why this has to be so. If you don’t like the super-fast nature of your time between the sheets, all you have to do is make an effort to focus a little more on foreplay and romance (time to brush up on oral sex).
15. You’ll have your ups and downs
While things will probably settle into the married sex category, it’s also highly likely that there will be times when you’ll have more sex than before. Sex is going to change all the time because you have a whole life to live together. If you’re in one phase, be patient; another phase is coming. If you stay open to having sex instead of waiting until you’re “in the mood,” make an enthusiastic effort and try to have fun, you can have a fulfilling sex life for many years to come.
