You love being submissive and you’re looking for the perfect dominatrix to do just that. But how do you know that the one you’ve just met is the right one? Howcan youbesure you’ve made the right choice? Here are 10 points to prove you ‘ve made the right choice.
All dominatrixes were beginners at one time or another. And like every one else, your Queen questions herself, wonders who she is and how she can impose herself on you. She also seeks to understand your behavior, so she can adapt to your needs as best she can, while remaining in control of the situation. A delicate moment that your dominatrix will get through successfully thanks to experience, good intuition (or empathy, as the case may be) and exchanges with other Queens.
So, if you’re already satisfied, all the better! But if you want to get closer to perfection, here are 10 points to bear in mind to see all your submission fantasies come true and turn you on like never before.
1 – Consent and voluntariness
One of the first essential points in BDSM is consent. Everyone’s desires differ from one person to another, and what makes you hard may be different for someone else. So it’s vital to communicate about each participant’s desiderata, expectations and limits. And don’t forget that any relationship built around sadomasochistic practices must be voluntary. Indeed, BDSM games are always appreciated if they are consensual and voluntary. Any practice inflicted on the other person that has not been accepted beforehand must be the object of a cessation of sessions. It’s a question of self-respect and trust in the other person. voluntarism respects this balance.
2 –Mentality and physical safety
As a submissive, it’s important that you have a strong mentality and that your physical safety is preserved. The physical and mental safety of participants in sadomasochistic games and practices is essential. These activities can challenge both body and mind, with pain, muscular tension and/or sexual tension potentially taxing the body, while the mind can be burdened (mentally charged) and manipulated.
Everyone, whether dominant or submissive, must be able to retain free will to maintain a healthy BDSM relationship. As the person in charge, your dominatrix has an obligation to carefully monitor the physical and mental safety of her submissive. She must be able to detect any signs of distress in her submissive partner. It is therefore her responsibility to ensure that the level of submission is well understood by your Queen and that the level of domination is well understood by the submissive.
3 – Consciousness and free will
Just because you’re submissive doesn’t mean you have to obey every order. You should always bear in mind that you can say “no” or “stop” if you feel you’re overstepping your limits. And just because your Domina wants to impose a new game on you, you don’t have to accept it if you don’t like it. You have free will, and you must ask yourself whether this new proposal guarantees the health of your BDSM relationship. Each participant must remain mentally and physically capable of accessing his or her free will and expressing his or her consent and will.
4 –Controlled orgasms and sexuality
When you’re submissive, you’re at the mercy of your dominatrix. She therefore has power over your sexual arousal and orgasms. It’s this power that gives her control over you, allowing her to indulge your fantasies and make you docile. Faced with a dominatrix who knows how to impose herself on you, you’ll be more responsive and pleasure-seeking, putting yourself in a position of expectation, servitude and reward.
If she’s a little perverse (or simply good at her job), she can also ruin your orgasms, leaving you sexually and psychologically frustrated, and waiting for more. You’re then at her mercy. She can even go further by playing with this boundary or using sex toys, even outside of face-to-face sessions. Take, for example, the chastity cage, a highly effective accessory often used to play at lowering and raising sexual arousal without ever reaching orgasm.
5 – She imposes her preferences and demands
A good dominatrix will set her limits and already have you fantasizing with this simple gesture. She’ll do this from the very first session, to avoid any “slippage” that might damage the trust you have in each other. And by doing so, she shows you that she’s the one in control. From the very first contact, she’ll position herself to make you fantasize and control you.
6 – Obligatory respect
Your Queen will demand respect at all times. And watch out if you cross the line! She’ll punish you accordingly. So she’ll demand that you show respect in every interaction, every request, every discussion. This is not a subject on which you can make any concessions. Whatever the means of communication (verbal, written, …), you have to show her your devotion or risk being strongly reframed if you don’t. If you persist in disrespecting her, she’ll stop the exchange. Without this, a dominant-submissive relationship cannot continue under normal, expected conditions.
7–Your dominatrix will becreative and adapt to every situation
As a submissive, you want to free yourself from any social, societal or everyday demands. That’s what a good Queen will give you. And she’ll be able to bounce back and forth creatively as the situation demands. What’s more, if a certain “routine” sets in, she’ll be able to suggest new games or practices to renew the excitement of your submission. An important point if you want to stay motivated and submit naturally.
8 – Listening and tolerance
Even if your dominatrix controls you, she must always listen to you. Thinking that your Domina is impervious to any negotiation or discussion is a mistake, especially in a new relationship. So, if you make a faux pas, she’ll know just when to punish you, so that the punishment is effective and constructive. On the other hand, she won’t forget offenses and will always decide on an appropriate correction. It all depends on your character, whether you’re looking for an “emotional reference” or a ruthless sadist.
9 – Safe words and limits
As I said earlier, a healthy BDSM relationship is based on consent and voluntarism. So it’s important that your dominatrix takes your physical and psychological limits into account. Transgressing these limits and not taking your submissive’s feelings into account would be a fault on your Queen’s part. Trust must be a two-way street. Limits can be pushed back with pedagogy and consent. Stop words, which put an instant end to a game, must be heard and respected immediately and without negotiation. It’s important to remember that everyone has a free choice. If dialogue is not possible during theaftercare, it’s best to end the relationship.
10 –Loyalty and moral values
If a dominatrix wants to be appreciated and respected by her submissives, it’s important that she demonstrates loyalty, integrity and keeps her promises while remaining true to her principles. By adopting this attitude, she will be able to embody a stable emotional referent, which is what female submissives are looking for, as well as certain submissives who feel more feminine than masculine (feminized or femellized submissives). This will enable them to feel secure and confident, while developing a fulfilling submissive relationship. To achieve this, she’ll keep a certain distance from you.
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